On Solitude
When I went to school in Austin, Texas in the 1990’s, there was a bumper sticker that said “Question Reality”. That always tickled me and I continue to question reality today.
I have written before about the idea of solitude as told by the Russians and named Poustinia. As the world is in the grips of a pandemic, I am rewriting and reposting these ideas. I think we are all rethinking our lives and working out our confinements. I would like to submit that you can be lonely and isolated or you can practice solitude in these days and beyond. Click above on Poustinia, if you would like to check out a book on the topic.
I first encountered this idea and word when I read a book called The Celtic Daily Prayer This is a group of readings and prayers from a group in Northumbria, England that taught me so much about silence and solitude and the ancient Christianity found in the Celtic tradition. I cannot tell you how happy I was to read about warrior queens who would fight, pray and advise kings. These people are my people! They had a series on Poustinia by Catherine Doughtery. She relayed a practice made by Russian pilgrims in which they might just take off one day and wander in order to find themselves and to find God. So, people used to build these huts and welcome and feed these wandering pilgrims. The Russian word for desert apparently is Poustinia, but it’s this spiritual reality of a type of fast or stripping down to nothing. I loved reading all about it and learning the story of this amazing lady who brought the practice and idea to the West.
One year, I found myself living in England. My husband was training for tropical medicine and we were there with our young children. A friend let us borrow his car so we could go for a retreat at the Northumbria community in Northern England. Actually, only I went on the retreat and my family explored Harry Potter’s castles, Scotland and epic places like Cuthbert’s cave and such. The concept of solitude and silence was so attractive to me but at the time I had three young children and a husband with crazy hours. It is not a life stage for sitting around and contemplating deep thoughts. So, after a road trip up to Northumbria with the family, we peeled into the retreat compound. I had frizzy hair and Cheerios stuck in various places on my body, but we passed a sign that said Poustinia!!! I had a short time to the start of the retreat, but we checked in and then I ran to this awesome hut. I almost didn’t go in because all these negative thoughts flooded me, “you expect God to meet you in that short of time?” “look at you, you are just a dumb mom that has road trip stains on you.” Etc.
As soon as I entered in, it was perfect. Just as described in the book! There was such a quiet holiness about it and the sense that so many people before me had come looking for God, for quiet, for peace. It was such a contrast to my heart and state of mind, which were frazzled. I lit the candle and to my delight it was a Russian Orthodox candle. When I was younger, I had the privilege of going with Aaron, my then fiancé to the Ukraine where, in Kiev, we visited a church. It was partly underground, so they give these homemade candles, which are skinny and uneven and have this particular color that I have not seen elsewhere. I was thrilled!
I sat in the quiet and peace, grateful and then the presence of God was so strong. I remember Him speaking His love to me- and can He not do what He wants? Yes, in fifteen minutes, He could meet me and touch me with His love. Profound. Gratitude. Humble. Sober. Wow.
Later, when we moved back to the U.S. from Uganda and in the years since, there has been a lot of political and social upheaval. I was drawn back to this idea of silence and solitude. What I like about it is the idea that you spend time in silence and humility on behalf of others. You might be praying for a person or a community or the world, but you do so in silence before God. You just hold it up to Him and say nothing. It is quite hard to explain, you must experience it. Solitude is complicated and there are so many good teachings about it and so many health benefits. We are really crazy not to practice this ancient method of humility and advocacy. It’s not about us, and I think we now have an extraordinary opportunity to develop this spiritual practice. In the past, people have literally gone into the desert, but I was so relieved to find you can actually build these things into your home. I am tempted to build a hut, but until then, I just started with a corner of my closet. You can do this anywhere.
“Deserts, silences, solitudes are not necessarily places but states of mind and heart.”
I practice silence before God in my prayer times. Often, I don’t even know how or what to say in prayer! This is a miracle, because I am a talker AND a verbal processor. I just sit in silence.
Wendy Morrow was born and raised in Texas and after several cross cultural stints, she is now settled in North Carolina. Her husband practices family medicine and they have the joy of raising three teenagers. Their latest cross cultural endeavors led them to France to language school and preparing for her to pursue a second degree in French. Wendy also writes, plays the cello and enjoys people that live in her town. “It is quite extraordinary to believe God about who you are and watch that life unfold!” You can read more of Wendy’s blog on her website A Funny Kind of Obedience.